Friday, November 24, 2006

A Cellphone Conversation (Kind of a Story)

It's around 2:30 in the morning. My yahoo email informs me I have two messages on my space. I log in and to my surprise, my friend is online. She sends me a message asking me to connect to the yahoo messenger so we can talk. I explain I don't have one. My computer is too slow to download a messenger now and besides, I've never used one. Instead, I call her by phone and this is a fragment of the good conversation we had until 3:45 in the morning.
"Alina, I've thought of you a lot. Remember when you told me that David and you broke up and then got back together for no particular reason. Even when all the problems why you broke up were still there. Well, I was thinking that I got back with Steve for no good reason, either."
"It's only human to do that. We do things we can't explain. It happened to me, now it happened to you and it could happen to anyone."
"Yes, but remember how sad I was that first time we broke up. Alina, I was doing really, really bad. You saw me. I felt a pain in my chest that was unbereable. Now, I don't cry as much as I did the first time around. When I met Steve for lunch on Saturday, I didn't feel anything. I don't miss him now. I didn't want him, then. It just seems amazing to have him out of my life, as if he had never existed, when for so long he was my life. Or it seemed he was my life. He obviously wasn't"
"I know you loved him and he loved you, too. But you weren't in love with him. You didn't like him physially. Your relationship was missing the passion factor."
"Somehow, I knew Steve wasn't the man of my life. I knew he wasn't the one for me. I didn't see myself marrying him. Do you see yourself marrying your boyfriend, now?"
"Ashley, let's keep it about you. You know something? Your problems lately have started to confuse me. I do think he's the man of my life and I could marry him, have kids and be happy, but sometimes I don't. I guess you have to be with a person already knowing that not every time you are together everything will be good and perfect. You two are not always going to be happy."
"Yes, I know that. But between Steve and I was no desire. We had no fights, no big problems. When we took the last trip we made together to L.A. and met with his friends, I heard him telling them things I've never heard from him before. I didn't know him. He also had dreams, I wasn't the only one. I wasn't part of his. He wasn't part of mine."
And so went my conversation with Ashley for hours.


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